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I must’ve heard a million speeches by now, ok not a million but it feels like close to it. The one thing that I see and hear constantly at every wedding is bad speeches. I think that when people think of a wedding there are certain items that people feel are necessary, speeches are one of them. I’m here to tell you, that you are wrong. Speeches are not necessary at a wedding, and certainly it is not the Oscars.

I get it, when you are asked to be in a bridal party, its like this added pressure to say something witty and funny and tell an anecdote about the bride and groom. While yes some weddings will have great speeches, but its almost like it needs to be the right crowd and family for that. Most parties are a lot of different people coming together, so the energy for that is simply not there. The problem is, you might make a great speech but you don’t have the crowd for that. Its like a comedian working with a terrible crowd or during the day. Who listens to comedy during the day?

I have this opinion because in my experience, bridal parties and parents, trough out one by one, up to the podium to tell a story about the bride and groom which last 15 minutes which nobody knows what’s going on. Then there there are tons of inside jokes from when they were 10, and the rest of the people are heavily into drinking into this point. It almost feel like somebody told them, YOU MUST SAY A BAD SPEECH AT MY WEDDING! Then you get the bridal party that thinks a wedding is a roast. While yes this can work in some situations, but the last think you want to hear at your wedding is about your ex-girlfriend when you were 12, while your beautiful wife is sitting next to you.

Now I must admit, there are a few weekends that I do get surprised. Its almost like the stars align, and the crowd is right, the speeches and jokes are on point. This creates a fantastic atmosphere and is great entertainment. I must admit, this is an anomaly. It actually happened this weekend, I’ll tell you a little about the speeches this night…

First off, not all of them were great, but from the maids of honor and best man, to the bride and groom they were great. They started out with funny, I mean funny anecdotes, about the bride and groom, how they met, and how they broke up, and how they got back together with funny jokes in between. It was fantastic, entertaining and it gave people who did not know the bride and groom a whole lot, why these two were meant to be together. The key to these speeches were that, they were well rehearsed, seemed like they were punched up, there no real inside jokes, and the speakers were very comfortable with speaking on the microphone.

When the bride and groom got up, they both said individual speeches about each other, and then got up together and said their thank you’s to people. It wasn’t long and drawn out, and it wasn’t like watching an awards. It was two funny quick speeches, heart felt, and then quick thank you’s. That’s it, it was great. People laughed, they learned something and it wasn’t forced.

Here are some guide lines to use at your wedding with speeches:


  1. Make them short: If you insist on having your bridal party and parents speak, make sure they have some sort of time limit.
  2. Content, ask them generally what they are going to say. Not entirely, but in a general way
  3. Don’t force somebody to say a speech, if they are not comfortable, the crowd will feel that anxiety, and it will be bad. This goes for the bride and groom as well. I’ve dj’ed weddings where the bride and groom did not speak, the wedding was great.
  4. Do the Speeches between courses or during the course. Do not do them after dinner. This is the worst mistake to do. Doing the speeches after dinner takes away from the party and entertainment you’ve hired.
  5. Do not do the bride and groom speech at the end of the night or during the dancing. People are past that.
  6. Do not do the bride and groom speech first. This is the worst mistake because, people are anticipating the bride and groom saying something. If you do that at the beginning, then its kind of a let down during dinner. I didn’t think that was true until I saw this happen a few times. They should speak after or during dessert and before dancing starts.
  7. Limit the number of Speeches: Not everybody should be saying a speech. It is not necessary to hear an anecdote from everybody about how you met, and how you are great friends, and how you are going to make a great spouse.

At the end of the wedding ūüôā you have to understand, you want everybody to have a great time, it is not a roast or an awards ceremony to the bride and groom. Not everybody at your wedding knows you intimately, so while there is forgiveness for a long drawn out speech for the bride and groom, that doesn’t go for everybody. I have seen so many speeches go overboard like the Oscars and by the end of it, people are too tired for anything and they just want to go home, rather than start a party.




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